Pros and Cons of Winter Training - or - Ode to Tom Bergeron

Here are some of the things I have learned during winter training so far this year:
1. An 8 minute mile outdoors = a 10 minute mile on the treadmill.
2. America's Funniest Home Videos is on at 6 a.m. while I am on the treadmill. If there is a Spring race in which people's pants fall down and guys get nailed in the crotch, then I will be appropriately trained.
3. The yoga studio at 24 hour fitness is freezing in the winter. It makes me daydream of bikram during shivasana.
4. That last sentence means "I want marshmallows" in sanskrit.
5. Layering and un-layering for bootcamp burns extra calories.
6. Lizards bitch slapping their owners with their tails is absolutely hilarious (see #2).
7. After working out in a hot gym at bootcamp, I am ready to go out and roll in the snow, which would make passersby think I am one of those wild children who are raised by wolves.
8. I have a bit of a crush on Tom Bergeron. Sorry, Ryan - he's funny.
9. I miss the elderly Asian couple at Sloan's Lake who mumble unintelligible greetings to me in the mornings. Would it be weird to invite them to my basement at 6 a.m.?
10. Running cleats are like a secret weapon. They make me look superhuman, running over ice patches without falling. The cape helps, probably, too.
11. Even Tom Bergeron can't replace the witty banter of my outdoor morning running partners.
12. A kiwi is NOT a cross between a banana and a strawberry! Didn't you always think it was? Turns out it comes from a hairy fruit bush (hilarious in and of itself). This has nothing to do with training but I thought it was very interesting.
13. I can run in my sports bra without spooking the geese.
14. In the afternoon, the treadmill turns into a train depot for Jack.
15. In the late afternoon, the train depot turns into trailer park of destruction for Stella 'category 5 twister' Sullivan
16. Early morning newscasters have dumb looking hair dos.
17. Dodging toys to the treadmill is less challenging (and less gooey) than dodging goose poop at Sloan's.
18. Front butt and back fat don't take no holidays.
19. Lemon Luna bars are nasty in any weather.
20. They can put a man on the moon but there is no good remedy for frost bitten ankles while running in the snow.